Take the derm test (satire)

You, as an acne victim, have you ever wondered what it takes to be a dermatologist. I'm sure you've met few and have on opinion on their skills. I know far more people apply to medical schools that are admitted. Sometimes it makes you wonder on what basis they make the selection. I mean how do they decide who gets to be a dermatologist and who doesn't?

The opinion seems to be that only the brightest people are accepted into the mad-i-cal, oh sorry, medical schools.

To uncover the truth about the matter I put on my super-secret spy suit and went undercover. I managed to get not only the entry examination paper but the answers also. So here's your chance to find out the truth and see if you could be a dermatologist.

Examination questions:

Some of your acne patients seems to have an irrational belief that diet somehow affects their skin. In fact many of them tell you that after eating chocolate or other fatty foods they get more pimples. What do you do?

1. Go berserk! Throw the patient out of your office and scream that there's no scientific link between acne and diet. Finally do a rain dance and ask the gods of scientific research to smite down this puny little worm for daring to question their might. (3 points)
2. Stare the patient with a dumbfound expression on your face because this does not fit your view of the reality. After your head stops spinning ignore the comment and prescribe some antibiotics. Send them away and pat your back with your degree for another job well done. (2 points)
3. Be interested and try to find out more (0 points)

You know that excessive sebum production is one cause of acne. What can you conclude?

1. Curse in your mind: "Damn, why can't God make something that works. Why is that we doctors always have to fix the mess that God's malfunctioning designs make. Oh well, few overpriced prescription drugs and everything is perfect again. His other faults withstanding, luckily God was smart enough to create us doctors." (3 points)
2. It's just a teenage fluke that passes (2 points)
3. Start wondering why the skin produces too much sebum. The body doesn't do random things, so there has to be a reason for it. (0 points)

You've been in practice for over 20 years and have prescribed every drug you know of. Yet, most of your patients won't get clear no matter what you prescribe to them.

1. Blame it on the patients. There must be something wrong with them or they just don't take these fantastic drugs you prescribe to them. They keep coming back because they must be charmed by your witty humor and, you must admit, you do look charismatic in that white coat. When you think about it, this is a good deal for you. Money is good and you don't have to bother with marketing since the same people keep coming back. This also keeps the sales reps from drug companies happy and you get well-paid consulting contracts and all expenses paid vacations. All and all, not a bad deal. (3 points)
2. Keep prescribing the drugs but also tell people to cut out sugars, processed food and saturated fats from their diet. You've read about a study on a magazine that showed that those foods contribute to acne. After all it doesn't cost anything for you to tell patients that and it can only help. (1 point)
3. Conclude that after 20 years it's pointless to keep prescribing these same drugs and expect different results. You start studying a wide range of options to get to the bottom of the problem. (0 points)

In the Journal or Dermatology you read about a study of sun and skin cancer. The study concluded that construction workers, sunbathers and other people often exposed to the sun had the lowest incidents of skin cancer. What can you conclude from this?

1. Sun is bad for the skin. It causes skin cancer and you should always avoid it. Anytime there's a chance of sun exposure smother your skin with sunscreen. After all this is the conclusion in the seminar about sun and skin you attended. This seminar was organized and presented by The Sun Safety Alliance, a nonprofit organization founded and funded by sunscreen manufacturers and a chain of drugstores. They are such a nice people. (3 points)
2. Start wondering why people with the highest sun exposure have the lowest incidents of skin cancer. Maybe I should put my beliefs about sun causing cancer on the shelf until I've clarified this. (0 points)

What is the skin?

1. It's totally independent entity that just happens to cover the body. Kind of like the plastic wrapping on my delicious and nutritious TV-dinner. The body does not affect the skin or vice versa. (3 points)
2. The skin protects the body and performs others roles such as control the body temperature. However despite this interaction it's still mainly an independent entity. (2 point)
3. The skin is an integral part of the body. The body is a holistic entity and functioning of all the organs is dependent on one another. Therefore the health of the skin and any skin diseases, such as acne, is linked to the health and functioning of the body (0 points)

Some of your patients keep telling you they have heard some people have cured their acne though diet, exercise and other hol… holly… holistic (damn, people shouldn't use such difficult words) treatments. What do you do?

1. Keep repeating to yourself that there's no scientific link between acne and diet until you believe it again. If it hasn't been published in the Journal of Dermatology it must by unproven and unscientific quack and people should be warned about the dangers. Drugs are the only answer. Better living through chemistry. (3 points)
2. Smile kindly, and like correcting an ignorant child, tell them that there's no proof of such things and most likely they are just coincidences. After all, acne can't be cured. (2 points)
3. Ask to know more. Maybe there's some hope for acne victims after all, since you know that prescription or OTC drugs can't cure acne. (0 points)

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